Getting a sudden urge in your 40s or 50s to make a big, expensive change is so common, it’s gotten the butt end of jokes in many a movie. Cue shiny new sports car or fancy designer watch. The deeper feeling of unease such a midlife crisis purchase is meant to soothe isn’t just reserved for the affluent, either.
From Scarcity to Stuff—And Back?
My own mid-life crisis did not hit me with the sudden “itch” that’s typical for a lot of other folks.
Throughout my 20s and 30s, I was quite poor and thus focused on getting by, not “curating” a life that looked a certain way. Real financial stability didn’t happen for me until my forties after I had come into a job in tech that brought me life-changing money.
A couple of years into my new role, I slowly fell into a new-to-me spending trap. I spent the next decade subconsciously trying to make up for lost time by buying all the nice things and luxury items I had never been able to have before.
The real reckoning didn’t come until I hit the age of 50, lost my job, and discovered women of my age and experience are undesired in the tech industry.
The scarcity mindset I’d previously carried my whole life came roaring back, and I panicked. In fact, it was around this time that I started Tidymalism as a decluttering blog. I sat here looking around at all the stupid stuff I’d acquired to compensate for years of poverty. The brief satisfaction it had given me in the moment now felt absolutely hollow.
This wasn’t the life of intention I wanted. It was just, if you pardon my French, a shit ton of rarely used, expensive stuff staring me in the face.
While my situation was more complex than the movie cliché, it was driven by the same core issues that fuel a typical midlife crisis purchase. It’s a reaction to past limitations, to a sudden loss of security, to not knowing anymore who we are or why we’re here, to the feeling that time is running out and we need to do something to regain control.
I think leaning on consumerism to cure discontent rarely works. Instead, it leads to more baggage. The midlife period is actually an opportunity not for a spending spree, but for a thoughtful recalibration.
The Psychology of the Midlife Crisis Purchase
More than just an impulse buy, the midlife shopping spree is often marked by a significant, usually expensive acquisition made in response to a period of deep self-reflection.
Typically, the onset of midlife crises happens between 40 and 55. This “midlife reckoning” is a natural phase where you take stock of your life. It’s a documented phenomenon, too; a study from the National Bureau of Economic Research noted a significant dip in life satisfaction during these middle years.
This period of reflection can bring up feelings of dissatisfaction, restlessness, or even regret. The core trigger is a sudden, sharp awareness of one’s own mortality. The realisation dawns that time is finite, and that more than half of your life is over.
For the boomer and Gen X generations, this often connects to a re-evaluation of career achievements. From a Jungian perspective, it’s a critical passage toward integrating parts of yourself you may have ignored.
When this internal unease isn’t addressed, it can impact your mental health, leading to feeling depressed or anxious. For some, this turmoil can even contribute to marital strife, affairs, or divorce. The impulse to buy a new, flashy item is often an attempt to distract from these deeper issues. The infamous red convertible, a Harley bike, boat, or an expensive tattoo or kitchen remodel all promise a quick fix. Kind of like an external symbol of change to quiet the internal chaos that’s going on.
Navigating a Mid-Life Crisis with Purpose, Not Purchases
Instead of compensating with consumption and excess though, you could use this phase as a catalyst for genuine, positive change. The goal here would be to align your life with your values, not to bury your feelings under a pile of new stuff.
This is all easier said than done, especially since part of what drives the whole midlife crisis is the fact that we become unsure what our values even are anymore! But I’ve found five things that actually help.
1. Take Stock Through Conversation
Before making any drastic changes that affect your finances or relationships, talk it out. Sharing your feelings of uncertainty with your spouse or a trusted friend, partner, or therapist can bring immense clarity. Voicing the impulse “I feel the urge to cash in our savings for a Porsche” forces you to hold it up to the light! And that conversation functions as a reality check to help you separate the legitimate feeling of dissatisfaction from the often-illogical purchase as a solution. It’s practical in that it gives you the perspective you need to avoid a reactive decision that would create both financial and relational strain.
2. Invest in Skills and Experiences, Not Just Things
If you have the urge to spend cash, channel that financial energy purposefully. Invest in something that enriches your life without adding physical clutter. Instead of a new gadget, enroll in a class to take up a hobby you’ve always been curious about. Instead of a new car, why not plan a meaningful trip instead? Experiences become a part of who you are; objects are just things you own.
3. Declutter Your Current Life—Literally
When your mind feels cluttered, decluttering your physical space can have a profound effect on your well-being. It’s an act of taking control (and that’s why decluttering helps with depression and anxiety at any age). The process of sorting through your belongings forces you to confront the past and make conscious decisions about what you want to carry into the future as you plan for life later in life or even retirement.
4. Reconnect with Your Body and Mind
Physical activity is a powerful antidote to feelings of stagnation, too. You don’t need an expensive gym membership, either. I take 10,000 steps every day regardless of how I feel and what the weather’s like. Regular walks or runs can do wonders! These activities are both great for managing potential health issues and giving you back the mental bandwidth to process your thoughts, away from the noise of consumer culture.
5. Set New, Meaningful Goals
Often, a mid-life crisis stems from a lack of purpose, so this is a great time to set new goals that aren’t tied to possessions. Is there a career shift you could explore? Could you volunteer for a cause you care about? This creates a sense of purposeful satisfaction that no luxury purchase can replicate.
This period of questioning doesn’t have to be a destructive crisis. It can be one of the most productive times of your whole life if you approach it with intention. For me, the real shift happened when I stopped looking for answers in the diversions I could buy and started confronting the reasons I’d bought what I had.
In the end, the most powerful action I took wasn’t acquiring something new yet again, but intentionally letting go of the old.
Ultimately, this phase isn’t about what you buy or even what you get rid of. I’m coming to find that it’s about achieving a quiet satisfaction that stems from living with purpose.
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